I stumbled on a YouTube video the other day, made by a young girl from Atlanta named Sada Brown. Sada is a self-proclaimed “recovering narcissist.” Her insights are very illuminating, thanks to high levels of introspection and honesty (a rare combination in a narcissist).
For those who don’t know, a narcissist is basically someone who demands attention without earning it. They have to steal, lie and manipulate others to get it. And because they don’t feel they deserve attention, instead of helping others or listening to them or collaborating (things we all learn to do to get people to like us), they simply choose to cut corners and take without giving.
Sada is very upfront about this, and describes the devilishly clever tactics she uses to entrap victims in order to get “narcissistic supply” (the juice a narcissist’s ego needs to survive). It turns out to be simpler than you’d think: “victims” are everywhere, and are just “asking for it” with their good behavior and helpfulness. Scary, I know.
One of the techniques she mentions really grabbed me, because I hadn’t quite figured out just how deliberate it was. Sada is married, and was constantly sending her husband on unnecessary errands. She describes secretly throwing away toiletries, then urgently insisting that he go to the store to replace them. He was enjoying himself too much watching TV, she had decided. But the shocker for me, the reason she felt she had to keep him busy all the time?
She had to “keep him from realizing his big, beautiful dreams.”
Eckart Tolle says, “Remember that the ego needs problems, conflict, and “enemies” to strengthen the sense of separateness on which its identity depends.”
The ego is jealous of the sweet, sincere, loving relationship you enjoy with your soul. Like the Evil Stepmother in a Grimm’s fable, it can’t stand not being the most “beautiful of all,” so it sends you on fool’s errands, invents impractical projects, and wastes your time and energy. It wants you to spend your day in turmoil, worrying. It wants you to think you can’t solve your problems, that you will never have enough, that your enemies are after you.
And all this, for what?
Because the ego has to break up the party you could be having with your inner self, the party the ego isn’t invited to. Yes, my friends, our own egos, the ones we trusted so very much, for so long, are actually sending us in the wrong direction on purpose!
Looks like someone needs to go.