I’m having to prune all these tentacles of mine, these feelers that go out and try to “feel” others. I have to start growing them on the inside. They have to go into ME now, and feel ME, feel what I’m feeling… from the inside.
Sadly – or so I thought – this means becoming less interested in what other people are feeling. Because I have to cut off those “searchers,” those tentacles that were always going outside, worrying about others, about what they’re thinking… in order to be able to focus on my inner self.
It’s not easy to pull away.
I have to get used to feeling my own self. I have to “feel” it, really feel it, including all these things I’ve avoided feeling: pains and fears and emptiness. These inner feelers have a difficult job to do, god bless ’em.
They’re being sent into unexplored darkeness… to embrace the whole package of me: warts, thorns, and all.