Today I free myself from the idea that somehow, somewhere, there was happiness in the past. Happiness that passed, that was lost, or forgotten. Family happiness, high-school happiness, travel happiness. Some happiness I won’t ever get back, that I imagine is tied to circumstances, to certain people, to certain places. This one, simple thought keeps me unhappy in the present.
Today I am light, clear and wholly in the present moment, and that’s exactly how I always felt, every time I was happy. Even back then. It wasn’t so much what happened in the past, what I did, received, lived or experienced… but how I was in the past: without worry, without expectations, wonder-filled and empty. Surprised. Tickled. Spontaneous. Complete. No, my happiness was never in the past, but always, only in the present.
Right now.
Right now everything is good. We can be happy… but only now.
Yes, today I burn the path of past happiness behind me, blazing like a TNT fuse from long ago… right up to Here, Now. I sweep the table of old cards, put them into the deck, the deck of The Present. I’m tired of carrying these memories, walking half-turned back, slowing me down, holding me hostage… keeping me sad.
I know it sounds ungrateful to the past. But it’s not. It’s simply understanding. It’s being grateful for finally being shown this. How could I have been tricked for so long? How could I have forgotten?
Yes, today I clear the path in all directions, and strangely, here it is, like a long lost friend. I find my happiness today, here and now. Sitting next to me, its feet in my lap.
See you (t)here!
Joy Biscuits 