Interrogation Room

I think all of us like the idea that we can Make Things Happen whenever we want to, but sooner or later the sad truth comes to us that our super-powers aren’t what we thought they were. Especially when we are trying to get others to move along the spiritual path.

The truth is, we can put in as much effort as we can with our parents, our friends, our colleagues… but we don’t get to decide when (or if ) they are going to feel inspired. So we ask ourselves: do I stand here and wait with them, or do I have better things to do with my time?

So I asked the Universe about this, and starting having a kind of recurring vision of myself in an interrogation room, those rooms you see in TV crime dramas like Colombo, with the observation room connected by way of a one-way mirror. In this vision, I see myself in the room, sitting at the desk, stalling for time. It looks like I’m doing a crossword, or a Sudoku puzzle, totally inappropriate to the circumstances, but there you have it.

I’m Farting Around, in short.

But I’m not in that room, myself. In fact, I seem to be The One Watching Myself from the observation room, through the mirror. I must be my own Soul, then. I have my arms crossed, and seem to be relishing something beautiful about this moment. I’m not in a hurry, or impatient, or even dissatisfied. In fact, I’m proud of this time-waster, this ne’er-do-well.

He’s my ne’er-do-well, dang it, and I can’t help but be in love with him.

And I can feel that, no matter what the “me” in the interrogation room does, or doesn’t do, that I will wait for him as long as it takes him to decide whether or not he wants to come out of the room, or when. And if it takes three days, or three weeks, three years, or a generation… well, it really doesn’t matter.

And accepting this, patiently, I am shown that everyone else is also protected – and guided – by their same loving, higher Soul. And then I understand: my impatience wasn’t with others at all.

It was with myself.

I had imagined that if “I” didn’t hurry, “I” might eventually be abandoned in that lonely room.